Resources Without Relationships

In a blog entry from a few days ago ("It's Getting Worse"), I observed that resources, without relationships, are invariably wasted.  Now, allow me to come back to that.  I spent this last summer delivering lunches to hungry kids in five multi-family complexes (four apartment complexes and a trailer park).  I would prepare the order for the day (usually about 100 + lunches), load them on a catering truck and deliver them to these sites.  But that wasn't the half of it.  Meeting me at those sites was a group of young people that had set up tarps and blankets and were playing with the kids, using all sorts of sports equipment, coloring books, bubbles and other assorted forms of entertainment.  The kids loved it and joined in enthusiastically, often joined by their parents.

Looking around one day I realized that feeding these kids wasn't the most important thing we were doing that summer.  We were also creating community among the families and kids that attended, a network of relationships that has continued into the school year.  (All of these sites were within a mile or two of our Family Resource Center at J. Frank Dobie Middle School.)  After the summer was over, I had a chance to meet with some of the parents that attended with their children to ask them their opinions about our service.  That was a humbling experience, especially as I asked them what we could do to improve that service (what were our mistakes).  They pointed out several until one of the parents innocently inquired why I didn't ask them what they needed or wanted.  And, more importantly, why I had not asked them to help.  I hadn't even thought of that.

That's often the case with many things we try to do in low-income neighborhoods.  We just assume what's best and appropriate for the people we're trying to serve without ever taking the time to ask for their input.  Later, we complain if participation in our program is low without ever "connecting the dots."  We treat our neighbors as clients that we're serving and regard ourselves as messiahs instead of neighbors.  You see, neighbors usually don't do for others what they can do for themselves and they usually ask, "What can I do to help you?" before they do.  Messiahs, armed with briefcases full of research, assume they already know.

Is it any surprise then that so many well-laid plans and programs come up short and fail to accomplish their lofty goals?  And the number one reason for that is quite simple - a lack of engagement, especially with parents.  Maybe it's because we talk instead of listen and, even when we do research, it usually doesn't include the opinions and experience of those we're determined to help.  We continue to make plans and write proposals requesting funding without spending the necessary time and effort to build relationships with those we're trying to serve.  The truth is, we can't lift people out of poverty.  We're not messiahs.  But we can become good neighbors that come alongside folks that are struggling to help empower and encourage them, connecting them to the resources and opportunities that will lift them out of poverty.  Because the greatest resource we can ever offer our neighbors is each other.  With trusting relationships, resources can be properly utilized.  Without those relationships, resources are invariably wasted.  Apply this principle to the charities you support and see if it doesn't hold true.